'God's Plan'

Archdiocese to introduce new marriage preparation program

By MARY ANN POUST

What do you do after you say "I do?"

That's a question all newlywed couples have to address sooner or laterÑand a redesigned archdiocesan marriage preparation program aims to help them find the answer.

"There's a lot of misunderstanding about the nature of marriage that people get from the popular culture," said Sister Mary Elizabeth, S.V., director of the Family Life/Respect Life Office, which runs the new program.

"So one of our main goals is to present the beauty of God's plan for marriage," she said, "and to do it in a way that makes sense to people today, in a way that makes sense to couples today."

The redesigned program for engaged couples, to begin in January, expands the marriage preparation program from one full day to two; or from two evening sessions to four.

Christopher Mueller, coordinator of marriage preparation programs for the Family Life office, said that the previous one-day programs had a strong focus on communication skills, parenting questions, finances and day-to-day lifeÑall valuable topics, but leaving little time to reflect on marriage as a sacrament.

By adding the second day, he said, "we can explore much more deeply the sacramental nature and God's plan for married life and married love."

"In Part Two, we can explain the 'whys' behind the 'whats' of Catholic teaching," Mueller said, "and there's a nice emphasis on what it means to live together for life, to live together with God for life."

He said, "It changes the focus from the actual wedding day to actually living the marriage. The wedding day is just the beginning."

The sessions, held in English or Spanish, are conducted by trained volunteer married couples, sometimes assisted by a priest or deacon. Part One is titled "Relationship Skills Workshop." Part Two, called "Sacrament and Sexuality Workshop," is based on Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body and draws heavily on the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

"It incorporates a new language, the language of the Theology of the BodyÑthe unchanging teaching of the Church on marriage and family lifeÑand it's a language that's been seen to really resonate in people's hearts," Sister Mary Elizabeth said.

Sister Mary Elizabeth, Mueller and two other staff members, Julie Szwejbka, natural family planning coordinator, and Adriana James, Spanish programs coordinator, spoke with CNY about the new marriage preparation program in a recent interview in the Family Life office.

Sister Mary Elizabeth said the changes are in line with a trend in archdioceses and dioceses across the country, and that she is working with other dioceses in the region that are also revamping their programs.

"We all agree there's a need for more extensive marriage preparation for couples," she said. "Many dioceses across the nation are reviewing their programs and looking to improve and expand them."

Another pressing reason to sharpen the focus on marriage, she said, is the steadily dropping number of marriages reflected in recent archdiocesan statistics.

In 1990, the Catholic population of the 10-county archdiocese stood at approximately 2.2 million, with 10,493 sacramental marriages performed. Ten years later, in 2000, there were approximately 2.4 million Catholics but sacramental marriages dropped to 7,172.

The decline was not limited to Catholic sacramental marriages, either. All marriages--including Catholic and other religious ceremonies as well as civil weddings--fell from 60,052 to 49,792 in the 10-year period.

There's no single reason for the decline, said Sister Mary Elizabeth, but experts look at factors that include increased cohabitation, marrying later and "a lack of understanding of the nature of marriage, the importance of marriage and the beauty of marriage."

"A lot of people growing up today haven't had the benefit of being reared within a family, and so they don't have that kind of living example," she said. "They don't have the daily catechesis of what marriage is about just by growing up in a Catholic family."

Because attendance at a pre-marriage program is required for couples planning a Catholic wedding, sessions of the archdiocesan program are held frequently at many different locations, usually in parishes. They're also flexible. A couple might sign up for the first session on a Saturday in Manhattan, for example, and attend the second session at a church in Yonkers weeks or months later.

"We made it very flexible so that it can fit into couples' schedules," Sister Mary Elizabeth said.

Part One of the program uses a workbook and text called "Partners in Life and Love." Between its opening and closing presentations, there are talks on self-awareness, communication skills, decision-making, conflict resolution, family and parenthood and the spiritual life of marriage.

Part Two uses a workbook called "God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage" and a textbook called "Good News about Sex & Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions about Catholic Teaching."

Developed by the Theology of the Body Institute of West Chester, Pa., it encourages couples to rediscover and nourish their faith as a means to help them "understand the nature and meaning of the commitments they make in their exchange of vows," according to a brochure on the session.

There's also a section on "sacramental sexuality," which features presentations on "the joy of sexual honesty" before and within marriage.

Acknowledging the sensitivity of the topic, the brochure states that "while many factors have given rise to the breakdown of marriage and family life, special attention must be given to the widespread acceptance of new sexual attitudes and 'lifestyles.' Sidestepping this often difficult aspect of marriage preparation can't be an option.''

It adds, "What is needed is a compassionate approach that explains the beauty of the Church's teaching and, with full respect for people's freedom, invites couples to embrace it."

There is also a presentation on "practical benefits of natural family planning" and scheduled times for private reflection and couple discussion.

Sister Mary Elizabeth said that several daylong conferences on the Theology of the Body sponsored by her office in the last two years have served as a sort of field test for the new marriage preparation program.

"At each of those conferences, more than 200 people attended and they've been very, very enthusiastic about it," she said.

Schedules and fees for the marriage preparation classes are available through parishes; at www.flrl.org or by calling the Family Life/Respect Life Office at 212-371-1000, ext. 3185.

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