LORD, TO WHOM SHALL WE GO?

A Time to Contemplate ‘The Last Things’

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Nature is dying. While I enjoy autumn, with the changing leaves, (since I don’t have to rake a yard full of fallen leaves), gradual chill, shorter days, and graying skies, I can’t deny that the freeze and barrenness of winter are close.

No wonder Holy Mother Church invites us to contemplate “the last things”—death, judgment, heaven, hell, purgatory, the second coming of Christ, the last judgment, the resurrection of the dead, and life everlasting—during November, the last month of the Church year, with the “New Year” starting in Advent—and encourages us to pray for those who have died, the faithful departed.

So, November is a fitting month to consider our magnificent array of funeral traditions in the Church, the pious way we as Catholics bid farewell to one we love who “goes home to the Lord.”

John Wayne is reported to have said on his deathbed, “I wasn’t interested in living as a Catholic, but I would like to die one!” And Jackie Kennedy often remarked that “the Church is a good mother who is there for us at the death of someone we love.”

Over the past half-century or so, our “Catholic funeral traditions” have been renewed somewhat. I’m glad they have been. We can rejoice in a number of developments:

- now, while never masking the natural grief and sadness that comes when someone we love dies, we concentrate more on eternal life, emphasizing the promise Jesus made, “Whoever believes in me shall never die,” and finding consolation in the victory of Jesus over eternal death.

- so, we wear white vestments, and tend to “emphasize the good,” celebrating the person’s life, and trusting that he or she is now with God for all eternity, awaiting us.

- families are encouraged to help prepare the funeral Mass, choosing the readings, and taking part in the liturgy itself—reading, leading the intercessions, bringing up the gifts.

- a family member can even give a brief eulogy, expressing gratitude to God for the person, thanking those who have offered support, and affectionately recalling a bit of the life of the deceased.

- parishes really “come through” at a funeral, often offering a choir, music, even the hospitality of refreshments or a lunch, and staying in touch with the widow/widower, or bereaved family afterwards.

- And, although burial of the body is still the expectation, cremation, under careful circumstances, is permitted as an exception, if such was the request of the deceased, or the family has a special reason for the request.

No surprise, but a few of the refreshing renewal of Catholic funeral customs have led to some unfortunate developments. This may be a good time to mention them:

- funerals, like everything we do in Church, are not all about the deceased, or us, but all about Jesus. We come to a funeral Mass not “to celebrate the life of so-and-so”—although that’s part of it—but mainly to celebrate the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus! It is an act of faith in the power of His cross and resurrection! 

- While we rejoice in the gift of eternal life promised us by our Lord, and trust that the one we grieve, by the mercy of Jesus, is now in heaven, we do not take it for granted! There still is purgatory, and—pardon me for bringing it up—there still is hell! That’s why humble prayers for the mercy of Jesus upon the soul of the departed is the strong Catholic tradition, not immediate canonization! 

- While a eulogy can be offered, the following guidelines should be in effect:

— a eulogy is better at the wake, at the cemetery, or before the funeral Mass;

— if a eulogy is given at the beginning or conclusion of the funeral Mass in Church, there should only be one, it should be brief (3-5 minutes), it should be written out, and it should at least mention God!

- We owe the departed a funeral Mass! Our parish priests are telling me that more and more “services in the funeral home” or graveside are replacing a Mass, even for long and loyal parishioners, because the family doesn’t want a funeral Mass. Sad...

- If the deceased is cremated, the cremains should be at the funeral Mass, and then buried immediately in hallowed ground. It is not Catholic custom to keep the remains unburied!

- We in the archdiocese are blessed with spacious, beautiful Catholic cemeteries, always a preference for a Catholic family.

- And, as the Bible tells us, “It is a holy thought to pray for the dead.” Our custom of visiting the grave, remembering the deceased in prayer, especially with a Mass intention, is highly encouraged.

Not long ago, I was at the funeral Mass of a twelve-year-old boy who died of cancer.

The parish had rallied around the family; the parish funeral Mass was reverent yet joyful; the eulogy was brief and filled with faith; the music touching; the body taken to the cemetery with respect; a reception for all in the parish hall.

At the end, a classmate of the boy whispered to me, “I’m not a Catholic, but seeing the faith of him and his family through all of this, seeing this church help so much, being here at this Mass with all this talk about eternal life...I think I’m going to become one!” Not bad!

Funerals not only say something about the one who has died, but say a lot about us left behind.