HOLY HOMEWORK

Dad and Daughter Stepping Stones

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How can we best characterize the relationship between fathers and their daughters? We all know the bond between them is very special. One author went so far as to say that no matter how many people tell her she looks pretty, a daughter will never really believe this until she hears these words from her father. Is this paternal connection mostly mysterious or can we generate a word or a phrase that captures the essence of this human attachment? What word, phrase, or story comes to mind when we think of the love that flourishes between a father and his daughter?

Here are three timely vignettes which portray a chronological progression of the unique union between daughters and dads. Doubtless there are many other stepping stones that exist along their pathway through life together. And readers are more than welcome to add their own narratives, of course. But for the moment we will focus on passages pertaining to youth, adult years, and senior moments.

Stepping Stone One:

Last week an eighth-grade girl and her dad were preparing to attend her graduation father-daughter dance. But she was afraid he would appear as nerd-of-the-year in front of all her friends. So to avoid being embarrassed, she created a checklist of instructions about what he was to wear, topics he could not raise, and how he should behave! The next day he reported that he felt quite intimidated and nervous when they arrived at the school but he managed to make it through the evening with flying colors by simply observing what all the other dads were doing and following their example.

Stepping Stone Two:

Recently I was invited to a semi-formal awards dinner. Seated to my right was an elegantly dressed, middle-aged woman. Seated to her right was her white-haired, war-torn father who also happened to be the guest of honor. Throughout the meal the gregarious woman cornered the conversation while her dad concentrated on chewing his food. Then, during dessert and coffee, he came alive with tales of his battle scars. That's also when he sported a toothless grin as if it were a badge of honor to show for his years of service. What impressed me more than his own lack of self-consciousness over missing teeth was his daughter's relaxed composure with his unpolished demeanor. In fact, she beamed with pride at his anecdotes, including all the mispronounced words that were uttered from his drawn and quivering lips.

Stepping Stone Three:

Her dad was a truck driver by profession. From the moment he received his commercial license he felt most content when he was perched high above the traffic behind the steering wheel of a big rig tractor trailer. However, after seventy-four years of accident-free navigation, his reflexes had deteriorated to the point where his spatial judgment was no longer reliable. Parked in the carport of his trailer home was his compact pickup, the external reminder of his internal joy of driving. So he was content in his retirement years until his daughter gently insisted that it was time for him to hand over the keys to the vehicle, all the while assuring him that she would be an available chauffeur whenever he needed a ride. But from then on he would read his morning paper, not at the kitchen table as was his former custom, but while sitting in the cab of his slowly rusting truck. When his daughter stopped by to check on him and drop off his laundry he would scowl and mutter loud enough to be heard, “This is killing me.” He never meant to hurt his caring child. His anger was simply misdirected toward her and away from its intended target, the declining motor skills that kept him from navigating safely in the streets. As he mourned the loss of his independence, she kept the keys and cried alone.

Each of these three stepping stones reveals something of the trails and trials that daughters and their fathers walk together. Fathers dote on daddy's little girl. And in return daughters are vigilant enough to ward off potential embarrassments, noble enough to ignore any flaws, and protective enough to prevent any foreseeable dangers. What a wonderful exchange of life and of love.

For holy homework, send a father's day card to the men who cherish all of their children, especially the daughters who love and care for them at each stage of life's winding journey.

 

Comments can be sent to: FatherBobPagliari@Yahoo.com