HOLY HOMEWORK

Fatherhood Virtues from St. John Paul II

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Last month we reviewed some of the virtues of motherhood espoused by one of our recently canonized popes. This month we examine what St. John Paul II wrote about three fatherhood virtues. Each one is associated with strength.

Faithful Strength

As children we could easily see the external strength of our dads. In the human species men are, on average, 15 percent bigger than women and most of this added mass is muscle. Fathers have to be strong. They are the ones who move the couches, lift the boxes, and swing the sledgehammers that knock down cement blocks. Their external strength is clear. However, they also possess inner strength which, although less obvious, is more compelling and more virtuous. Their inner strength builds bridges rather than walls.

Our sainted pope declared that offspring consolidate the covenant of a married couple. He said, “Children enrich and deepen the conjugal communion of a father and mother.” And it is this virtue of a father's inner strength that underlies his fidelity to his wife and ensures the selflessness he needs to keep their covenant, their communion, and their common household together. A man who uses his inner strength to become a more caring father and loving husband will overcome any human inclinations toward selfishness. Practicing the virtue of inner strength toward family fidelity enables fathers to avoid external lures toward self-centered infidelity, no matter how strong those temptations may be.

Approachable Strength

Society believes that “might makes right.” One look at the imposing strength of an oncoming army is enough to scare any sane individual into surrendering. Similarly there are disciplinarians who teach that we must fear our fathers to some extent if we are expected to love and obey them. Dads have the unenviable balancing act of needing to be fair and kind at the same time. Is it possible to be a firm father and still be approachable? The Old Testament writers certainly feared the wrath of God. Yet in the New Testament, Jesus tells us that when we pray we should call God our father. We know that the Aramaic word Jesus chose for “father” was “abba” which is more correctly translated as “daddy.”

Christ's invitation to be familiar with God made more sense to me when I started getting my hair cut in Queens. My Jewish barber there has three sons who are pursuing highly educated vocations. However, their father insists that they must also learn some of his haircutting techniques so that they will always have a trade to fall back on, just in case. These young sons never slouch in their father's shop. When they are not cutting hair or sweeping the floor, they are reading a book or surfing the web. And whenever they address their father, they call him abba; daddy.

St. John Paul II echoes Jesus' assurance about our Heavenly Father's unbiased justice and merciful love. As thundering as the Creator's strength may be, we can still approach God as our daddy when we crave his protective embrace to assure us that everything is going to be OK. Earthly fathers mirror these same virtues because daddies can be firm when discipline is called for, yet approachable when their kids are in need.

Humble Strength

Last winter I was sitting outside with my siblings behind the New York Public Library watching the skaters in Bryant Park. As we sipped hot cocoa, a young couple walked by, arm in arm. Suddenly the man dropped to one knee, produced an engagement ring, and proposed marriage to the woman who immediately started to cry. Frankly I wasn't sure that this practice of kneeling down to propose still occurred nowadays, by there it was: a tall, tough-looking man who was strong enough to assume this very humble position in front of his future fiancé.

In his letter to the families of the world, on Feb. 2, 1994, St. John Paul II refers to this same gesture of kneeling down as a clear sign of the power of humility, which is an extremely important virtue for dads. Why? When a father is confident that he has passed on his own moral strengths, and social strengths, and loving strengths to his offspring, then he also finds the strength to kneel down and give his children back to God. He is strong enough to let go. This virtue of humility gives a father superior strength. This is the strength of a father who swallows his tears while waving good-bye to his daughter's first venture off to college. This is the strength of a father who whistles the loudest when his son walks across the stage to graduate with honors. This is the strength of the father who loses his child to cancer but can still find the words to thank the God who gives and to bless the God who takes away.

For Holy Homework: This year, on Father's Day, before retiring to sleep, let's all kneel down by our beds and offer a prayer of thanksgiving for the strong virtues of fidelity, approachability, and humility that our dads have taught us.

Happy Father's Day

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