HOLY HOMEWORK

Giving Thanks for the Family and “Fabily”

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Approximately 400 years ago two entirely unrelated events occurred on opposite sides of the Atlantic Ocean. Today both of these historical happenings may help us appreciate the Church's contemporary struggle regarding family life.

The first event was when William Shakespeare wrote what is perhaps his most celebrated quote. Recall how Juliet is desperately trying to convince Romeo that a name is nothing more than a pointless convention. She declares that she has fallen in love with him despite the war that keeps the Capulets and Montagues apart. To resolve their plight she recommends they both ignore their surnames. Appealing to logic she asks, “What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

The second event was when 53 pilgrims who were rejoicing over their first harvest in the New World invited 90 Native Americans to share their autumn meal. Impossible as it may sound we can say that, in some ways, the United States began celebrating Thanksgiving Day 155 years before becoming a country!

How can these centuries-old events shed light upon the current issues raised by the Synod of Bishops, which met just last month? In two ways: diversity and nomenclature.

Diversity

The diversity of people at the pilgrims' table prefigures the diversity in the attendees and in the issues discussed at the bishops' meeting. Giving thanks to God was nothing new for the colonists. In fact they were in the habit of setting aside some time to be grateful for the many blessings they received. But this first Thanksgiving Day banquet in 1621 was different. This was not merely a festival of the fall harvest. This was an opportunity to welcome people who were so unlike their European hosts that any preexisting attitudes of Us-and-Them had to be put aside before these 143 people could sit down at the same table and break bread together. In other words, this first Thanksgiving Day gave rise to declarations of unity, gestures of inclusion and feelings of sensitivity. The bountiful occasion brought together human beings from extremely different backgrounds, cultures and attitudes. They were a gathering of individuals who were likeminded in welcoming one another and in their gratitude toward God, their generous provider. Despite their profound diversity and the harsh environment that surrounded them, they chose to focus on the sturdy bridges that brought them together rather than the turbulent waters that would have confined them to separate shores.

Last month the General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops gathered to advance guidelines for the Catholic Church about issues pertaining to the family. In the midst of a world filled with phenomenal diversity and harsh environments, it was their declarations of unity, gestures of inclusion and feelings of sensitivity, which became the hallmarks of their ongoing discussions on a plethora of topics that impact parents and children today. In a spirit profoundly similar to that of the Pilgrims, the bishops shunned any Us-and-Them attitudes and focused instead on summoning new ideas into their heads and inviting marginalized people into their hearts! Bishop Lucas Van Looy from Belgium described their meeting as the sign of a welcoming Church, which has put an end to judging. “For me,” he said, “this is the word that has been most important in the synod: tenderness.”

While preserving the integrity of Church teaching, the list of issues the bishops broached with this tenderness is, indeed, impressive:

  • cohabitation
  • civil marriages
  • divorced and remarried persons
  • the indissolubility of sacramental marriage
  • wounded families
  • that remarried divorcees are not excommunicated
  • prohibition of discrimination against people with homosexual tendencies
  • reiteration that the Church is contrary to same-sex unions
  • immigrants
  • refugees
  • persecuted families
  • divided families
  • families whose members are victims of trafficking
  • protection of the roles of women, men and children, as the stronghold of family life
  • a more prominent role for women in the formation of ordained ministers
  • the beauty of adoption and fostering
  • widows and widowers
  • the disabled
  • the elderly
  • grandparents, who transmit the faith and must be protected from throwaway cultures
  • unmarried people in terms of their commitment to the Church and society
  • political and religious fanaticism which is hostile to Christianity
  • growing individualism
  • gender ideology
  • conflicts
  • persecution
  • poverty
  • precarious employment
  • corruption
  • economic hardships that can exclude families from education and culture
  • the globalization of indifference
  • humanity's position at the very core of society being usurped by money, pornography and the declining birth rates
  • strengthening the preparation for marriage, especially for younger persons who appear intimidated by it and are in need of adequate emotional formation on the virtues of chastity and self-giving
  • the bond between the sexual act and procreation between spouses, of which children are the most precious fruit since they bear the memory and hope of an act of love
  • the bond between the vocation of the family and the vocation to the consecrated life
  • education in sexuality and the theology of body
  • the promotion of responsible parenting
  • the primary role of parents in educating their children in the faith
  • an appeal to institutions to promote and support policies in favor of the family
  • exhorting Catholics engaged in politics to protect the family and life
  • reaffirming the sacredness of life from conception to natural death
  • warning against the grave threats posed to the family by abortion and euthanasia
  • mixed marriages
  • the need to modify the language of the Church to make it more meaningful
  • an emphasis on the beauty of the family both as a domestic church based on marriage between a man and a woman, and as the fundamental cell of the society…in a fragmented age

Nomenclature

Consistent with her teenage impulsivity, Juliet was looking for a quick and easy solution to her dilemma. But discounting the value of a name can be sorely misguided. Names may be arbitrary at the onset. But once they are clearly defined and universally agreed upon, any capricious changes about what they mean are more likely to lead to confusion rather than clarification. Hence a civil union is not a marriage nor is a brotherhood a family no matter how “close” the individuals may feel. In fact some religious organizations are quick to refer to their employees as “part of the family.” Eventually this mistake leads to compromised supervisory responsibilities and results in the mutual consternation and dissatisfaction of both parties.

If every group, gathering, and get-together on the planet adopts the name “family” then the Synod of Bishops is going to be in big trouble. Even if social media allows us to “friend” up to 5,000 people, the fact is that not everyone we meet is our friend. Nor should they be as this would render the word “friend” meaningless. Perhaps it would be helpful to create words that replace “family” to prevent its primary meaning from being diminished. For example, if we have fabulously close friends who may feel “like family” or be emotionally closer than siblings, we might call them our “fabily.” But they will never be blood relatives, even with 5,000 transfusions.

Would the Synod's work be easier if they created new labels and words that made clear distinctions between the established philosophical and theological concepts (according to their ends) and at the same time addressed contemporary trends? Is it time to create new words for family, which capture new family realities? The Latin adage “qui bene distinguit bene docuit” comes to mind here. People who make good distinctions make good teachers. Should we expand our vocabulary as we did with the advent of malls, spaceships and microchips? What would happen if we added new names for family to our dictionary? OMG! It might be fabulous.

For Holy Homework: In our prayer before Thanksgiving dinner this year, let's include a special mention of gratitude for the work of the bishops and the leadership of the Pope as they continue to shepherd Christ's flock in promoting the fundamental values of family (and fabily) life.

 

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