Letters

Funeral Guidelines

Posted

To the Editor:

The tragic passing of the vice president’s son Beau Biden (CNY, June 11) should be a time primarily of mourning and prayer. There is fallout to it though.

Many thousands of Catholic funerals around the country were performed in the days preceding Mr. Biden’s funeral, and many thousands more followed it in the days after. And as is known to anyone who has ministered to grieving families planning a funeral, a great many requests to personalize the funeral are made. When those requests do not conform to the funeral rite or diocesan directives regarding Catholic funerals, families are often hurt, embarrassed and sometimes quite angry. One can only have compassion for people who are deep in grief and looking to perform signs of love for the deceased.

This dynamic is faced every day in Catholic parishes and is made immensely more difficult when a nationally televised funeral of a prominent Catholic includes many of the elements, which other Catholics are told are forbidden, like the playing of popular music at Mass. But at Mr. Biden’s funeral a Broadway show tune was the entrance song and a pop musician performed one of his hits at the end of the Mass. How does one explain this to the thousands of Catholics who made much less grand requests for their loved one’s funeral?

Regarding eulogies, although the practice differs widely from diocese to diocese and parish to parish, many grieving Catholic families are told that eulogies are not permitted at the Funeral Mass. This is often the most emotionally charged and fraught request when it is denied. 

And yet the president of the United States, an Army general and two siblings all gave eulogies at the Funeral Mass of Mr. Biden. Can one imagine the confusion and resentment of a devout grief-stricken husband forbidden from saying a few words about his wife of 50 years when he has just seen this nationally televised Catholic funeral? Or the anger of a daughter who wanted to speak a few simple lines about her mother’s great faith?

I can think of few things more unnecessary than causing more pain and distress to grieving Catholic families coming to the Church for comfort. Real clarity and relative unity of practice would go a long way to remedy this.

Scott Salvato

Wantagh